In The End
by Scorpion24
Summary: Set post S9. Beth has gone and Ruth is painfully reminded of how many lives have been lost over the years. She can't see anyway to go on. Can Harry help her or has MI5 finally destroyed Ruth once and for all?
1. Chapter 1

**I haven't posted anything in ages as I keep starting stories in rough and then changing my mind! However, I have decided that I need to just write one and stick with it so here we go. It's set post S9 and looks at Beth leaving and the effect all the years of service has had on Ruth. I have had to take liberty with some of the dates in this but hope you enjoy it anyway…**

**Chapter 1**

"I thought I might find you here."

She was knelt on the soft grass with her head bent low, her eyes blank and distant. "She was so young Harry" she rasped, her voice horse from her recent grief and strained fro her obvious tears. "They both were." She didn't turn to look at him, even though she felt him kneel close beside her. They remained silent for sometime, each seemingly lost in studying the embossed writing on the headstone:

_Josephine Rebecca Portman_

_12__th__ March 1980 – 13__th__ September 2009_

"_Angels do not weep but welcome me home. I am finally at peace."_

Slowly, Ruth reached out a hand and traced the last line gently with her shaking fingertip. She was completely oblivious to the fact that her skirt was becoming heavier or that the bare skin on her arms was now wet until Harry spoke softly. "We need to get you out of this rain. Ruth? Did you hear me?"

She turned towards his sympathetic and concerned tones. Her face was sodden with what seemed like the heavy rain that now poured, yet her red and pained eyes told another story. "She reminded me of her, Harry." Although she was now facing him it was as if she didn't really see him. "They both had such kind hearts, such innovative outlooks on the world." She paused, purposefully altering her gaze in such a manner that told Harry she now saw him. "They were both brave enough to acknowledge things that those with superior knowledge and experience refuse to see." Their gaze held intensely, as if challenging one another in the wake of her conviction. "And now," she continued, her eyes softening with an undeniable devastation "they're gone." Fresh tears fell as she closed her eyes against the horrors of reality. Her hands grasped at her gasping mouth as she rocked back on her heels, sobbing in the rain.

Harry watched her, unable to look away, yet frustratingly hapless to comforting her. Heat rose in his throat and pricked in his eyes as he witnessed her grieving for a lifetime of loss. He knew, in that moment, that she was not only mourning Beth and Jo, but also Danny, Adam, Colin, Roz, Fiona and even Lucas. How could he justify the loss of some many young lives? How could he tell her that everything was all right when it wasn't? When, the truth was, it was so wrong it was unbearable? No, this was the time he had promised her so long ago. This was her time to grieve and he reasoned that the guilt and despair that now tore angrily at his heavy chest and breaking heart was his punishment for the pain he had seemingly caused her.

Whether due to her raw emotions or her sodden clothes, Ruth now found that she was shaking violently. Harry quickly removed his suit jacket and, with gentle hands, placed it snugly around her hunched shoulders. "Your freezing" he noted with concern, allowing the squeeze of his fingers on her shoulder to linger momentarily.

She was vaguely aware of the fact that her fingers were numb with cold and that her cheeks were stinging with every gust of wind, but the truth was she didn't care. She didn't think she would ever care about anything as futile as the weather or her body temperature ever again. How could she, when Beth, just like Jo and the others before her, had been cruelly taken from them? How could she be so selfish? How could she let herself be selfish ever again?

**Thanks for reading! I will try and update really soon- sorry if this chapter was a bit slow but hopefully will pick up as goes on Please review- they really make my day **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your lovely reviews! I was really not 100% sure about this story but feeling a little happier now I've got going on it. The story about the dog in this chapter is the one that Malcolm tells Nico in S8E1. Enjoy…**

**Chapter 2**

She was too weak from crying and the bitter cold to protest when Harry led her slowly away from the graveside and into the warmth of his parked car. With a soft click of the ignition the heaters soon fired up and Ruth could feel the gentle prickle as her skin began to thaw and warm. As it did so her brain seemed to become more alert. "I can't leave her Harry!" Panic rose from the pit of her stomach and she instinctively reached for the car handle. However, she found herself halted by a tender hand on hers.

"Ruth…"

"Harry. She can't be on her own. Not here. Please…" 

"Ruth!" His voice was firm and stern but his eyes brimmed with pain and genuine concern. Her wild and terrified eyes found his and they seemed to steady and calm her somehow. Nevertheless, with the ebbing panic came the realisation and memory that the last time she had looked into those eyes had been just a few hours ago, when she had heard the tragic news.

As soon as she had met his eyes she had known, deep down, what he was about to say. "No." She had shaken her head determined not to believe it. Not this time. Not again.

"I'm sorry Ruth." It was all he could manage, as feeble and useless as he had felt. He had looked away from her and stared at his desk. He could not bear to see the pain and grief yet another time. For yet another colleague. Not in her.

"But I just saw her this morning! We had an argument about buying the milk, for God's sake! This is not… she can't be… she can't…" But it had been useless. The shock and horrificness of the situation had hit her hard in the pit of her stomach, causing her knees to buckle and her head to spin nauseatingly.

Harry had been at her side instantly, a steady hand under her elbow, firmly propping her upright. She had thought how different he had been from the time he had told her about Jo. Back when he had distanced himself with the rationale of professionalism. Now it was as if he was trying his upmost to protect her. As if he wanted nothing more that to close the distance between them. Well, now it was her turn to refuse him what he wanted. It was her turn to rip through his compassion and distance herself from him and his devastating news.

"I'm so sorry, Ruth." His voice was wavering with his own emotions. The rage in the pit of her stomach had suddenly ignited and shot through her numbness. "Why?" she had bitten coolly at him. "Did you kill her?" Recoiling slightly at her sudden aggression, Harry had shaken his head. "Well then, stop wasting your time being bloody sorry and stop it happening in the damn first place!"

The accusation in her words and the malice in her eyes had hung between them uncomfortably until Harry, swallowing hard, had spoken quietly. "I guess I deserve that."

"Yes Harry. Yes, you did." And with that she has left him standing alone in the empty office.

Back in the car Ruth glanced at him, ashamed and appalled by her previous behaviour. "I'm sorry for what I said about, well… for what I said before." As he turned to look at her she was alarmed to see the blatant defeat in the soft features of his face.

"Why?" His voice was so full of self-doubt that her heart literally lurched for him. Withdrawing his warm hand from hers, Ruth felt a din of emptiness drop heavily into the very pit of her stomach.

"It was unfair of me to blame you Harry. It wasn't your fault."

They both sat in silence for what seemed like hours, staring distantly out of their respective windows as if envying and berating the continuing world outside, when on the inside of the car they found themselves trapped and frozen by yet another bout of grief and injustice.

When she spoke her words were distant, as if lost behind a thick fog of memories "Did Malcolm ever tell you the story about the little boy and his dog?" He turned to her in surprise.

"Yes, he did. Not long after… well… just before he retired."

"He said that the little boy had become so wrapped up in the fantasy of his imagination that he could not grasp the concept of reality anymore. That he had to learn…" 

"…how to love real things again."

"Right"

Their eyes met, a burning understanding holding in their gaze. "I think I'm that boy Harry. I don't think I know what's real anymore, let alone know how to love it. I think I've had the imaginary dog for so long that I have convinced myself that he is my reality. Then today, I saw a real dog for the first time in a long while."

There was a poignant silence while he processed what she was saying. Then, with a slow nod he ventured, "And this new dog. The one you can see now. How does he make you feel?"

Unable to hold his burning gaze any longer, she looked down at her fidgeting fingers as new tears threatened to spill from her tired eyes. "I... I don't know Harry. I just don't know." For the first time since seeing her at the graveside he registered the full sorrow of her appearance. Her hair hung limply around her ashen face. His jacket encased her sunken shoulders, yet only caused her to appear more lost and fragile. Her fore arms were shaking and covered in goose bumps from her obvious cold. The damp fabric of her thin skirt clung in folds to her shivering legs. He noted that he had never seen her so deflated. So broken. He fought hard to stop his tears from spilling over. Biting down hard on his trembling lip, he suddenly turned away, started the engine and drove.

**Hope you liked it! Sorry for the slightly depressing tone but just felt that the idea of how badly Ruth had been effected by all this was too tempting not to explore Chapter Three is nearly written so hopefully not too long till an update! Please review **


	3. Chapter 3

**So… I didn't intend this story to become quite this depressing- but then I suppose it is H/R! I'm not completely happy with this chapter but don't feel I can tweek it anymore! I will try and lighten the mood in the next few **

**Chapter 3**

Neither of them spoke as the car moved smoothly along the quiet roads. They were both lost in their own turmoil of memories, thoughts and dreams. Harry was, ashamedly, thinking of the woman chewing her fingernails sat next to him. While the loss of yet another officer pained him beyond belief, it was the effect it had had on her that devastated him so completely. He felt disgraced and at an utter loss for failing to protect her, yet again, from the horror of their own ignorant livelihood.

Ruth, however, remained oblivious to his cautious glances and dull eyes. She was too busy replaying her last conversation with Beth over and over in her head, trying to ebb the intrusive understanding that was now playing heavily on her heart.

"Morning."

"Morning. Tea?"

"Coffee please." Ruth poured the last drop of milk into the steaming cup and passed it to her.

"That's the last of that then" she commented brightly as she began to rinse out the carton ready for recycling.

"Bloody hell Ruth! I only bought that fresh yesterday! How much bloody tea do you drink?" Ruth had raised an inconspicuous eyebrow as she had reached to turn off the tap, thinking that Beth had obviously had one of those nights and secretly hoping the strong coffee would help to lift her mood.

"It's not just me, you know. I'm not the one who insists on eating my entire body weight in cereal as a midnight snack! And then there's poor Fidget as well. He's not out much in this weather and I have to make sure that he has enough to drink here in case I'm late home or..." A sudden thud as the coffee cup slammed on to the table made Ruth turn in alarm. Beth was glaring at her, her dark eyes stark against a pinched and pale face.

"Oh just shut up about your sodding cat!" Ruth was shocked by the hostility that had been painfully evident in her harsh words.

"Beth! It's just a drop of milk! He needs it too …"

"And what about you Ruth? What do you need?" Ruth was frozen to her very core. Completely knocked off guard, she had been unable to do anything but merely stared at her.

"What?" she finally stammered, an unease settling unpleasantly in her stomach.

"What do you need?" Beth fixed Ruth a fierce glare, as if challenging her in someway. As if desperate for her to answer. As if desperate, Ruth now realised, for her to see her own desperation.

"Beth… I… what has this got to do with anything? I'll get the milk today and…" Beth flew out of the chair, her eyes wild in her gradually greying face, as she spat;

"Rather than worrying about the milk, the cat, the next terrorist organisation whose going to try and blow up the next bloody country, Ruth, you should try worrying about what you need. For once in you life, think about yourself!"

"Why?" The question had escaped her before she had been conscious to stop it and its effect seemed to knock the fire out of Beth. Her eyes became suddenly softened and she fixed a look of almost pity on her colleague. Much to Ruth's alarm, and she had continued in a pleading and sorrowful tone;

"Because if you don't it's going to destroy you. It will destroy you completely, Ruth and it will break the last little bits of his already shredded heart." Utterly bewildered by the sudden outburst, Ruth shook her head in bewilderment;

"Fidget's?"

"Harry's!" With that she had grabbed her coat from the back of the chair and was gone, leaving Ruth wide eyed and alone in the suddenly suffocating kitchen, trying to understand what the hell had just happened.

All day she had tried to work out just what had happened that morning in the kitchen. Why had Beth been so hostile? So desperate? What had Ruth missed? A squirmming feeling twisted at her stomach as the car turned into the familiar road. Ruth's horse whisper cut deep into the silence of the journey. "How did she… what happened, Harry? This afternoon?" Harry swallowed hard. His shoulder's sunk undeniably under the weight if his forming words.

"She jumped Ruth." Guilt crashed through her. She fixed her gaze firmly on the dashboard of the car, biting down hard to stop the painful emotions from escaping her in tears or words. The car stopped, it's engine purring to a halt outside the small stone town house. Shifting in his seat he rested his hand tentatively on her knee, the damp fabric intensifying the radiating heat of his palm. His voice remained quiet and unnervingly calm as he continued, yet his head and heart ere fuzzy with screaming despair. "She told Dimitri that she couldn't do it anymore. She said she had watched this profession chew people up and spit them out and that she didn't want that to happen to her, but she didn't see another way out. And then… well… she… was gone."

Tears flowed steadily down her cheeks, despite her inner resistance. Slowly she nodded her head, a new light casting itself dimly over the memory of their argument. "But she had so much to live for."

"Did she?" She could feel his gaze burning down on her. "Apart from this flaming job, Ruth, what do any of us have to live for?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but closed it quickly as the words died on her lips. Instead, she lifted his warm hand from her knee and held it tightly between her own fingers. She tore her stubborn eyes from the dashboard and looked at him. "Is that the answer then, Harry? Is that the only way out?" Her voice was calm and indifferent, yet the pent up emotions in her eyes and her touch was undeniable. She clung desperately to him, in that moment, needing to feel him. Needing to know he was with her. Scared that if he left she too would see no way out. Gently, he stroked the back of her hand with a mindless finger. He spoke slowly, the honesty in his voice causing her stomach to knot ever tighter. "I don't know, Ruth. I won't lie, I've thought about it. There are times that I don't see a life away from this. You said it yourself, it's not like there's a cottage in Sussex waiting for us along with a carefree retirement." She winced at the dull pain etching its way into his hazel eyes. She squeezed his hand tighter in hers. The desperation in her touch seemed to drive him onwards. "There is a reason, Ruth, that I never once set foot on the rooftop while you were in Cyprus."

"There is?" Her head was swimming from the intensity of the conversation, but her eyes remained steadily focused on his.

"I had no reason not to jump anymore." His eyes shone with painful memories and recent tears. She tried to swallow her overwhelming swell of emotions, but it escaped her in a small sob. "How… why…" she tried, but her aching heart forbade her from asking all the questions she needed to ask.

"How did I not give up? Why do I keep fighting it?" She nodded dumbfound, as she recognised her own words being quoted back at her. "Can't go on, Ruth. Must go on."

**Well there you go. I promise I will try and not be as depressing next time Let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay in updating! Hope your still sticking with it Have written all this story now so will hopefully get the last few chapters up in the next few days! This chapter takes a slightly less depressing turn so I hope you enjoy…**

**Chapter 4**

His words hung heavily in the air. He was suddenly very aware of her hand warm in his and the fact that they were heading for dangerous territory that neither of them were in any fit emotional state to deal with. "I think I should go." His voice was reproachful, yet purposeful in its intentions. However, his hand made no gesture to move from hers and his eyes betrayed every word he spoke. Ignoring his protests, she voiced the unsettling notion that suddenly gripped in her chest.

"That night, Harry, after Roz's funeral. After I said… well… what I said, you were on the rooftop."

"Yes." His face flushed at the shameful memory. Her heart froze.

"If I hadn't come…" her voice caught in the thick emotion clogging her throat. She realised that maybe she didn't want to hear what he was about to tell her. Maybe she should just leave now before too much was said. But Beth's words echoed loudly in her head and forced her eyes to remain locked steadily on his.

"I hoped you'd come, Ruth. I'm glad you did." With this, the realisation that she could one day lose him crashed down onto her like an overwhelming flood. Horror battled with despair, desperation and pretty much every other emotion he had ever inflicted on her poor heart. Never before had it been so important that he be there. That she know he was safe. Reaching out her free hand she gently tilted his chin, so his eyes once more met hers.

"I can't lose you Harry. Not now. I won't survive it." Every word she spoke mirrored the desperate need for understanding, need for him that had begun to pulse through her entire body.

"What are you saying Ruth?" Gently her cold thumb traced across his weary cheek.

"I'm saying don't leave me Harry. Please."

"I…"

"Promise me! Find something Harry. Find a reason not to jump- not to ever jump!"

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but there was something in the dull ache in his heart, in his own self-denial, that stopped him. Sensing his dilemma, Ruth swallowed through her own emotions. It was her turn to be strong for him, she realised. She wasn't sure whether it was the realisation of what he meant to her or the determination of being alive, but a new fire began to simmer deep inside of her. "Out!" she ordered, suddenly, causing him to blink in utter astonishment.

"What?"

"Out. Now. Get out of the car." Harry started at her in utter bewilderment. The crumpled shell of a woman who had seemed to shrink before his very eyes only minutes ago was gone and instead her saw the young girl who had stood before his desk and berated him for pacing many moons ago. Failing to move, Ruth found herself forced to physically get out of the car, walk around to his side and open the door for him. His eyes never leaving her face, he slowly stepped out and stood close to her. His body was only inches from her chest as he tilted his head in query of an explanation. "Not yet," she smiled hazily at him "Get in and you'll find out."

He watched as she clambered into the driver's seat and, despite his seeping melancholy could not help but smile at her audacity. He was not beyond admission that if anyone else had ordered him suddenly out of his own car and then proceeded to hijack it in turn, he would have told them exactly were to stick their orders and immediately returned them to outside of the car by any unorthodox means necessary. She, however, could tell him to do anything and he knew he was powerless to obey. And if the truth be told, that was the way he had come to expect it. Slowly he shuffled around to the other side of the car and sunk low into the passengers seat.

"Aren't you going to lecture me on the potential dangers of women drivers?" she smiled as he shut the door and faced her. In a lame response he attempted to return her smile. "It might surprise you to know Harry, I was quite the girl racer in my day!"

"Nothing about you, Ruth, would surprise me anymore." Figuring that this was as good a go-a-head as she was going to get from his defeated self, Ruth turned the key and speed off down the road.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked as they reached the hundredth set of traffic lights.

"You'll see" she mused. Harry sighed, irritated. He could think of other things he would rather be doing right now than driving around London during rush hour. He was tired. He was emotional and, truth be told, he need a large glass of scotch. However, something about her sudden change in attitude had alerted him to accept her suggestion. The familiar glint that seemed to have returned in her eyes- one that had been absent for so long- meant that he had gone with her, without question.

As they crawled along the busy streets, Harry gazed absentmindedly out of the window. He thought of the woman sitting next to him and he thought of the woman he had met all those years ago on the Grid. Could it be true? Was she slowly returning? Was she allowing her to come through when he truly needed her? A painful idea crossed his mind, not for the first time. Was it his fault she had ever left her in the first place? He wondered if he had listened to her concerns about Cotterdam and Mourdsley from the very start, if he had only trusted her instincts implicitly as he should have done, then could things have been different? This unpleasant notion became a gateway to a cycle of unwanted memories, the most poignant being that of his conversation with Jo that day after Ruth had gone.

"That will be all." Harry had stated, collecting his files together after the painful debriefing. Roz had piped up "I don't know what you're all looking so bloody miserable about! She knew exactly what she was…" but a mutinous glare from Harry had halted her in her tracks. Head bent low, she had left the meeting room, closely followed by a distracted Adam and a sombre Zaf.

That was when Harry's eyes had come to rest on the young officer in front of him. Raw emotion and exhaustion had portrayed itself in an icy tone. "I said, that will be all Miss Porter."

"How could you?" she has spat, so uncharacteristically at him, as she slowly raised her tear stained face to challenge his gaze. "How could you just let her go Harry? How could you be so pig-headed? So selfish? So heartless?" Harry's heart jolted as violently at the memory as it had done that dark day. He thought how he had opened his mouth to protest, to defend his case, to question how she could possible accuse him of being heartless when his own heart was still silently breaking. However, his devastation had made this impossible. Jo had fixed him a look laced with such loathing that he had almost been relived when she had upped and fled from the meeting room without another word.

Harry rubbed his fist, absentmindedly, as he recalled the sharp pain he had felt as he had slammed it against the wooden desk in front of him.

Later that day there had been a soft knock on his office door. "Hi." Harry had refused to look up from the paper work he had furiously tried to busy himself with. He had still been livid at the accusations she had thrown at him and his own realisation that perhaps they were more accurate than he cared to admit. 'I've come to say I'm sorry."

"Then say it and get out. I'm busy."

"Harry!"

"I said I'm busy" His eyes had found hers. He remembered the anger he had felt. He remembered, with a stab of guilt, how part of him had wanted to goad her into a confrontation, grasping to the possibility that if he had taken his frustration out on her then maybe it would have somehow made it easier. Maybe it would have helped it all to make a little more sense. However, his anger had drained immediately from him at the sight of her, stood in the doorway, looking so desperate. So lost. So helpless. "Oh Jo! I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine."

"No, please. Sit down. I think we need to talk."

"I'm sorry Harry, for what I said. I know it's not true. I know you'd give anything… everything to have her back!"

"Ruth is a strong woman, Jo. She'll be ok."

"What about me Harry? What about you? How are we meant to cope without her? Ruth was always the one who knew the right thing to do. Without her Harry I just don't know… I don't… I can't…"

"I know. Believe me, I know."

"Oh Harry. I never even said goodbye! How was she? Did you tell her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did you tell her how you feel? Did you beg her to stay? We could have made it work Harry! My God! We set up enough people around here, I'm sure we could have done something to keep her here!"

"Now Jo. Listen to me. If Ruth was here now, what do you think she would say? What would she tell us to do? Do you think she would want us to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves? Feeling sorry for her?"

"No."

"No. I think she'd smile that infectious smile, make some witty comment about 'pastures new', lecture us to take care and to not get shot, then demand that we all, well, let her go."

He took a sharp intake of breath as the pain of the memory tore deep into his chest. "Let me go, Harry." Her words echoed painfully in his memory. He could never let her go.

"Harry? Are you ok?" Her soft concern brought him crashing back to his senses.

Looking across at her, his voice was grave. "She thought a lot of you Ruth. They both did. They both saw how amazing your were… are. Saw how you deserve much more than any of this. They saw why I lo…"

"We're here."

**Hope you enjoyed Please review and I will try and post next chapter really soon xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry to disappoint a few of you with Ruth's choice of destination but I thought it very fitting Hope you enjoy it… a bit fluffier than previous chapters I hope…**

"Here? Ruth… what the…?"

"Trust me." She spoke so genuinely that Harry was powerless to refuse her. Abandoning the car in its familiar spot, they walked silently towards the grand entrance of Thames House. She could not help but notice as his brow creased and furrowed in confusion at her choice of destination.

"Trust me, Harry" she repeated quietly in his ear, as the heavy door closed behind them. He met her eyes and she saw that he did. That he always had. After the usual security checks he obediently followed her down the familiar corridor. However, his chest began to tighten as they headed, unnervingly, in a familiar direction.

"Ruth." Suddenly he stopped and lent heavily on the wall, breathing slow so to calm his racing pulse. "I can't do this. I can't go in there. Not yet." She stopped too and cupped his face gently in the palm of her hand. Registering the pain and grief in his eyes, her heart melted and she continued gently,

"I'm not asking you to go back there. Not yet. Come on" Tenderly her fingers found his and he allowed himself to be guided along by her soft touch. True to her word, at the end of the narrow corridor, she diverted from their usual route and, instead, began to climb the stairs off to her right. A sudden realisation dawned on Harry, yet he found himself unable to stop following her.

The cool breeze hit him harshly as he stepped out onto the rooftop. Without stopping, Ruth led him over to the rail. Still holding his hand in hers she spoke quietly, but with a determination that registered itself from deep within. "Look."

"I've seen it all before, Ruth." His amusement of her former self was beginning to wear thin as his grief and exhaustion battled through.

"No Harry. I mean, really look. " Obediently he stared out over the city. "What do you see?" she prompted him gently.

"Honestly? I see a city that has become so consumed with politics, money and damn right greed that it no longer knows it's head from it's backside. I see a community that no longer unites, but instead chooses to destroy itself from the inside out. And I see people too selfish and ignorant to see and appreciate what's right under their noses." The irony of his words hung heavily in the air and his gaze suddenly shifted to rest on her. She, however, did not look away from the darkening horizon.

"Really?" she mused, "Because when I look out I see a city that without the decisions you have made, would have perished a long time ago. I see people who, although they may not realise it, are eternally in debt to you Harry for saving their lives. And most of all…" Only now did she turn to face him, "I don't see any reason to jump. Not out there, anyway." He swallowed had as her words rested tentatively on his aching heart.

"How about now? What do you see?" While his voice was horse with gratitude and humility, he could not suppress the fear he felt for her impeding response. Tears clouded her eyes as she paused to consider her retort. Eventually, she spoke softly, as if still not entirely trusting her own convictions.

"Now? Now I see you, Harry. I see Harry Pearce. A man whose intentions are always honourable and decent." Harry smiled sorrowfully, acknowledging her inability to look from him, even as the first of her tears escaped and cascaded down her cheek.

"Do you see a reason not to jump?" His question was laced heavily with desperation and longing, which was only further defined by his gentle hand against her cool cheek. Sighing heavily she closed her eyes and with the smallest of movements turned her head so that her lips brushed lightly against his soft palm.

"While you're my reason not to jump Harry, the thought of not ever having you is enough to push me right over the edge." The crushing emotion that her words caused in his heart left him motionless for a moment. Then, slowly he reached out his other hand and cupped her other cheek, drawing her gently towards him. "I won't let you go Ruth, I promise. I won't ever leave you again." Her lips curled in a small smile, though her eyes still streamed with tears.

"You promise?"

"With all my heart."

"Then I think, yes- I see my reason not to jump." And with that and a radiant smile she kissed him passionately on the lips. His hands snaked around to the small of her back and he pulled her ever closer to him. They remained wrapped in each other warm embrace as London sped onwards miles beneath them. Eventually they draw apart. Ruth spoke first, her words bringing tears to Harry's deep and loving eyes.

"I love you Harry Pearce and I'm just sorry it has taken me so long to tell you."

"I'm sorry too Ruth." He suddenly drew back and looked at her earnestly. "I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"None of it matters anymore" she assured him tenderly.

"No, it does. It always will!" She blanched suddenly worrying that she had pushed to far. "But," he continued after a short pause, "I think its safe to say that we have both found something that matters much more."

**Not sure about this ending but hey-ho! I have one more chapter to wrap it up if anyone is still interested Hope you enjoyed it and please review xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**A short little ending for this story… The poem that Ruth reads is "She is gone" by David Harkins and I think it's just absolutely beautiful.**

"_You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived._

_You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left._

_Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared._

_You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday._

_You can remember her and only that she's gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on._

_You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she'd want- smile, open your eyes, love and go on."_

Ruth climbed carefully from the pulpit and slid quietly into the narrow pew. Without averting his gaze from his hymnbook, Harry stretched out his fingers and grasped her hand tightly in his and squeezed it with silent affection. She responded gratefully by clasping her fingers firmly around his palm as a solitary tear escaped her also averted eyes. He reached to his suit pocket and held out a handkerchief for her to take. In doing so they both, simultaneously, turned to face one another. Her grief at the loss of Beth became intricately mixed with her own recent realisation and self-admission. As selfish as it seemed she was glad they had both accepted and admitted what they needed.

Sending a silent "thank you" skyward to the painfully absent Beth, she affectionately leant forward and lightly kissed his smooth cheek. "I love you" she breathed against the corner of his lips.

Dimitri and Tariq sat wide eyed in the pew behind, but seeing the smile that had suddenly crept across their boss's face, neither could resist grinning knowingly at each other. "She'd be happy." Dimitri mouthed to his colleague, inclining his head towards the smile face of Beth on the front of the service sheet.

"About bloody time!" came a silent response.

Exiting the chapel Ruth and Harry seemed oblivious to the fact that they were still holding hands. Even as Ruth kissed Dimitri and Tariq farewell and Harry, in turn, gravely shook their out stretched hands, their hands did not part.

Once they were alone he turned to face her. "A turn around the grounds? For old times sake?" A sad smile stretched across her lips and she dipped her head in acceptance.

After a comfortable silent meander through the graveyard they found themselves approaching the familiar fence that offered views out over a painfully familiar setting. Ruth rested her forearms heavily on the damp wood and found herself encased by him as his hands rested lightly on either side of her. Leaning close against her, he bent low and gently kissed her cheek. As his lips began to trace the exposed skin at the nape of her neck she suddenly spun around to face him. Pushing back against the fence she lifted her head. Her eyes found his and he could almost see her demand before she had even opened her mouth. Slowly she rested her hands on his broad chest allowing her fingers to brush tenderly against his beating heart.

"Ask me Harry." She could have sworn she felt his heart skip a beat underneath the thin cotton of his shirt. He did not speak, but merely continued to gaze deep into her wide eyes. Her stomach began to knot unbearably. With her heart's desire now exposed, was it her turn to have it shattered by the one she loved? "Please" was all she managed through quivering lips.

Slowly he bent his head towards her. His hands slipped from their resting place and instead found slowly down her spine. His eyes still holding her gaze, he spoke so tenderly, so honestly, that Ruth could feel every word encasing her aching heart. "I've loved you for nine whole years. I love you more everyday I know you. I will always love you. So… say you'll marry me, Ruth."

Her knees buckled as a shiver passed through her entire body and she fell against him, smiling deeply into his warm embrace. "Yes, Harry" she breathed. "I will."

**Hope you liked this story and that the happy ending worked despite the angsty beginning. Please review and let me know your thoughts… good or bad… all are welcome **


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